Category: Parent Talk
I must look young, because women in particular still ask me if I want to have any more children.
I don't and there are a myriad of reasons why not. The dynamics between her father & myself changed when our daughter was born. I hated being an obstetric patient up here, everyone was nasty about the baby. I don't like stuff like baby showers, or want to hostess people at home who want to see a new baby. Truth be told, I don't even like the state where I live for a myriad of reasons. If we lived in Florida or Texas or even crossed the line to New Hampshire or Rhode Island, I might have given a second child at least a passing thought, but not here.
Am I obliged to explain why I don't want a second child? Or should I just stick to my guns & say no without explanation?
Honestly, Sponge... your answer is up to you. I get asked a lot of stupid questions, so I've learned to grin and bear it. But I've learned somethign along the way:
People can ask any rude, stupid, insensitive question they want; we can choose whether or not or how to answer. If you think someone's honestly wanting to know and has more than a passing interest in your life, you might want to respond, but if some stranger's just being nosy, I probably wouldn't.
Just my $0.02.
Kate
My personal thought would be to just tell them no, and leave it at that, unless you're actually friends with the person asking you.
Why would you be obliged to tell them anything? It's your life and your decision as well as your choice in how you want to answer them.
I would just say no and keep going...you don't o them an explanation, I'll ask why are you being so nosey? Then they'll no to stop.
If I'm asked for details on my opinion on a subject, and I don't want to answer, I simply say, "I have my reasons". That statement makes it clear that it is your opinion, and they don't need to know why. Try that, it usually works.
Spongebob ironically I took a lot of grief when living in the Land Evolution Forgot aka Florida, because we only had one child and not multiple / six or eight or sixty-four or some such. It bothered my wife more than it did me, as in conservative areas apparently women's status can be measured by the number of offspring, something I thought was relegated to history books in western countries anyway.
And generally I just said 'No' but when pushed hard enough by a woman I called her a primitive, told her that between me being blind, and her acting the way she was, for all I knew she was wearing a grass skirt and loincloth, and carrying a spear.
She had to work pretty hard to get that kind of response but most of her work was in the religious / zealous arena, and believe it or not, accused me of being selfish for willfully not empregnating well she had other ways of saying it but they basically reduce it to stock. I have no respect anywhere for them ever.
But in a majority of cases, a simple 'no' works, but watch yourself around conservative / religious zealots. It was far far more difficult on my wife if only because they know how to push each other's buttons and can reduce one another to a wretched state of misery. What a lot of filthy animals!
I find it hard to believe the softfoots where you live would do the same, though their methods are different, but whatever the reasoning, most people respond to a no just fine unless they're trailing the train of homo sapien quantus maximus behind them and want to be resentful because you are investing all you have in one.
And while they preach big families, I will say this: I came from a family of ten most of us adopted, and few of us have more than two. Since we were an adopted lot, that's an entirely different situation, but still. Some over here want to compete with the breeding done by the Muslims and Mexicans, and I used to hear such reductive "reasoning" when I lived in the swampy nether regions for a while. It was indeed an education, one I couldn't have gotten elsewhere, I must admit.
It's been awhile since I lived in the Land Evolution Forgot. Maybe you & I lived in two different parts, but in the Tampa area, I knew my share of different types, some of 'em with just one child. Some were divorced & other unwed parents, others part of married couples, & I just never considered it my business to ask "why".
Where I live in Roman Catholic majority, many from other countries like Brazil. It's not the question itself that bothers me, it's neutral in and of itself, it's when people keep pushing. "Ah, you're going to let her grow up without a brother or sister?" "Why not?" "What about a boy do you want to try for a boy?" NOOOOO..... One was pushing the issue when I was fatigued & sick from prescription iron pills. Come to think of it, some of these folks probably are miserable I'm investing all I have in one, & some of those pushing it were WIC moms of more than one, a few have been divorced, some pushing the issue haven't been parents at all.
That's it, just a simple no & that's it, I'll just have to calmly keep saying it until I go grey. I love the one being outdone by the Mexicans and the Muslims. A recent study showed the new generation of Latino immigrants eminating the black underclass, with a lot of unwed mother families, and Muslims, it really depends on what country they're leaving & what cuture they're bringing. The north Africans I know generally limit themselves to 2 kids, & many of these kids are most likely going to be secular Americans with kind of difficult to pronounce names. The Indians, who had 2 or 3 kids & gave them a religious upbringing, God bless 'em. They really were nice people & both they & their kids integrated into society. I'll be the odball where I live & stick with my one & enjoy her.
Sponge, I live in the same state, Ma to be exact, and I don't understand what's so bad about it. What's so bad? To me, it seems like just another state, I might be wrong though for all I know.
Deviating from parenting a little...mattthebrat it's just too many cultural & too many ideological barriers up here. Believe me I'd leave if that was an option, but my little girl would be heartbroken...from experience...separating from her father, and he wants to stay here. It seems to me a lot of people talk about diversity, yet they have a way of letting people know they're uncomfortable when they've chosen a different path, for example my non Catholic status & one child family. I thought that was what diversity was about, choosing different paths, but I guess not. Also very high cost of living for what there is to show for it. Hope that answered your question.